your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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