Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
