dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's JV to your varsity
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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