I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
