Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
