I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
