so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
