The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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