DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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