I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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