i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
