STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
