WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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