It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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