omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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