My first STD was from a foam party
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
