She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
