I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
