You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the day after is always just damage control
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
