she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
