Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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