if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
