Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
