My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
