don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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