I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
