dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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