awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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