My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
