Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
