jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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