Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
