Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
