What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she peed on how many people?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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