Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
