I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
