Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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