Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
