kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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