i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize