they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
