It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I looked at my own cervix.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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