i think my tv is drunk
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
