she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
