Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
