you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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