Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
