You really coming over, don't trick.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
