Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
