I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
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