I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
