that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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