I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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