i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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