so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
