hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
