So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
