My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
