The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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