So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
