You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
