I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
