i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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