I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
