her vagina looked like bernie madoff
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
