Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
