I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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