worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
