??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
