Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
