3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
