My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize