I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
