I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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