i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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