I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
